13 Failed Attempts at Flirting That Are as Creepy as They Are Sad

Why some people think that starting out a conversation with “I love your skin, do you need your skin? Let me wear your skin” is a good way to find a partner, we’ll never know.

But, that’s what we get for signing up for DatingoftheLambs.com.

And Bill, if you’re reading this, please stop asking about my body measurements. 

1. *Takes hard step backwards*

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via slambamboozled

2. What a strange egg. 

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via TheTributeThrowaway

3. Ugh, telling people about your dreams is so boring. 

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via Grobur

4. If you type to someone that they’re your gf, it’s contractually binding.

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via imabuscus

5. Happy 1 month, my future kidnapped bride!

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via CoreMcClair

6. I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE BECAUSE I AM MAN.

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via throwawooga

7. It puts the lotion on the skin (and then goes out on a date).

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via pathologicallylate

8. What a lovely poem.

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via Grobur

9. I think he’s watched too much porn about pizza delivery drivers, because uhh, no dude.

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via weatherexp

10. Nothing more romantic than a guy admitting he wants to kidnap you. 

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via creepyPMs

11. At least he’s honest. 

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via Caught_On_fire99

12. No matter how far you drift apart, it will never be far enough, my good man.

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via VeedleDee

13. Fucking disgusting, I hate sunflower seed milk ice cream.

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via skepticetoh

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11 People Who Messed Up, Plain & Simple

We’ve all fucked up a time or two. But these people’s fuck-ups are luckily in plainsight on the internet for us to enjoy until the end of time.

1. At no point did this baker find the name ‘CK-543C’ odd.

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Bitchbitchbitcher

2. Sorry Tim, we’re siding with Karen on this one.

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rancidsauce

3. These are the gas pumps in heaven.

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Nkoppe1

4. Cole’s friends, what have you done?!

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Strebeck

5. The best part is how they immediately froze like deer in headlights.

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coloursofemotions 

6. I hope he at least kept it and embraced his fail.

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Drakethrune

7. Caught, pink-handed.

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 sirquinsy

8. The looks say it all.

9. The ground says f*ck you and f*ck your bouncy fun.

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 GFBIGFAN

10. I have a feeling the brother didn’t believe this “explanation.”

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 Dontjudgeme3

11. Aaand the award for most costly mistake goes to the dude responsible for this mishap.

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firedrill

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15 Celebrity Sex Tapes That 0 People Would Want to Watch

Hope you’re ready to picture 15 men you’ve never thought of in a sexual way, in a sexual way! 

1. Pssh, nobody act like they don’t wanna see Frank bang some hoors.

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2. I hate even the idea of this. This man is far too pure for this. Mr. Rogers, I apologize on behalf of all of us.

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3. 🎶  OooooOOOOOooooh It’s Mr. Flick Your Bean 🎶 undefined

4. WE THE BEST SEX TAPE!

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5. Star ofWedding Smashers, Midnight in Paris Hilton, and Cars.

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6. Welcome to my sex tape, where everything is made up and the orgasm doesn’t matter.

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7. Watching his sex tape would be just like watching Two and a Half Men.

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8. Star of Forest Hump, Fapaway, and Big

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9. This is true. It’s true and haunting.

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10. And you better believe the carpet matches the drapes.

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11. We got about as close a sex tape of his as you can get.

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12. Though, the start of The Room is more or less his sex tape already.

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13. Dude’s got a name for porn. If he’s ever tired of the A-list actor grind, porn would be a great fallback.

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14. Ah yes, star of Superbang and Nick and Norah’s Infinite Banglist.

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15. Whew thank goodness, that means no chance of tapes.

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Nic Cage Went to Kazakhstan, Now Please, Enjoy the Photoshops

*Nic Cage Voice* I’ve got to get to Kazakhstan. 

This amazing photo exists because Nic Cage recently went to the 13th Annual Eurasia International Film Festival held in Kazakhstan, and for it, as you can see, donned some traditional Kazakh garments. Now quick, there’s no time – you need to see all the dope photoshops created by r/photoshopbattles.

1. This is a sneak peak at one of the new Star Wars spinoffs where a solitary Jedi combs through space looking to steal the Declaration of A Galaxy Far Far Away.

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via gloini

2. Get you a man who can do both.

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via mandal0re

3. The madman finally did it. You don’t need to steal the Declaration of Independence if you go back in time and write it yourself.

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via workingat7

4. Entering all-range mode.

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via Damon_Cult

5. You’ve seen him in Leaving Las Vegas, now catch him in LEAVING IKEA.

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via TheArzonite

6. Man, Nic Cage really fits in whatever time period you want him to, doesn’t he?undefined

via shittyartist

7. Ni-collusion Cage.

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via ilovetuckamer

8. Two immortal disciples. Ever present. Ever watchful.

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via Jowykins

9. I used to hate the bees. I no longer feel anything.

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via davepollotart

10. That is all. Go out in the world, and spread peace. Kazakhstan Nic Cage is watching you.

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via Megasmiley

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10 Hilarious Tinder Convos From Fun Online Flirters

Don’t take Tinder too seriously, people. Just have some fun.

1. I’m sure Makena doesn’t see too many name puns.

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The_Renegadem

2. This is one of those risky jokes that might get you unmatched.

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Parkerspark

3. Pay up, bot.

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DeErOcK181

4. Dr. Suess: Matchmaker.

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HeadPhoneKid_

5. Apparently poetry is big right now.

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Geecher

6. A long set-up, but it paid off.

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redditorforthemoment

7. Damn. Dan better ask Siri which ointment is best for internet burns.

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edcoat12

8. Opportunity missed.

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DBREEZE223

9. Every vegan-ism has to start somewhere.

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CuntOfCrownSt

10. Tinder in a nutshell.

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ApolloNaught

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